Learn to Say No To Mom Guilt
This week as I was laying in the fetal position with a 102 fever and an exploding head I thought I’m going to bring back #cakewisdom because I have some things to say 😉 All week long I put on a happy face for my kids. I made breakfast, lunch, dinner. I did the school drop off, pick up, and tutoring. I even went to Lily’s first flag football game and sat in the corner hoping not to die in the bleachers.
I did it because I had to. But also because as a Mom there’s this constant feeling I need to do everything as best as I possibly can. On the fourth day it was their Dad’s day and I didn’t need to take them to school. Nevertheless I got up with no sleep and a foggy brain and got in my car to go to the market to get juice and medicine so I could make it to Lily’s game in the afternoon. I run in with my fever and as I’m in the checkout line I start choking. Full on choking, tears streaming down my face, can’t breathe because I’m coughing so hard as that stupid credit card thing dings over and over saying REMOVE CARD. I drop everything, run outside, and as I try to open my car door to get my water and the Starbucks napkins I hoard I realize my keys are still in my basket inside the check out aisle and I throw up right in my hand. 😭😂
Eventually the girl comes out with my keys and wallet and my bag of juice and I mumble something unintelligible as she stares at me and just blinks and I get in my car.
As I sat there I thought:
“Well one, I’m never going to the Manhattan Beach Vons ever again, but also, OMG go home, Jessie.”
“You can’t drive to Lily’s game.”
“It’s OK to say NO.”
“Your kids freaking know how much you LOVE them whether you go to the game or not!”
What I realized was that while I’m always trying to be the best mom I can be I’m actually stealing my own happiness because if I don’t do everything that I think will make them happy I drown in guilt which makes me unhappy. And the point is .. THEY ARE HAPPY, but there are only so many slices of pie to divide and we need to stop giving away our slice! Each day you are given a certain amount of hours and you have to divide them as best as you possibly can. A piece to your children, to your spouse, your family, your home, your work, your pets, your health, and YOU. You need to do whatever it is that fulfills you. Whether that be baking or creating or working out, listening to a Podcast, or going on a hike. You have to take a slice of the pie, because YOU ARE IMPORTANT!
If you aren’t happy, you’re kids are going to be happy. And I know this is difficult. I think is especially challenging for single parents because it’s almost like we are in competition with ourselves to make sure our kids know how much they are loved because we feel like they already got screwed out of two parents in one home and we need to prove that it’s going to be OK and they are going to have just as amazing of a life as other children with married parents. Whatever the case, just start small and make sure you give yourself at least a sliver of that pie each and everyday so you can be the best version of you. And everything else will fall into place. I promise. Xx